Talking about money in surrogacy
Money isn't always an easy subject to talk about. That's particularly true when you're getting to know someone in the context of surrogacy. You may be building a relationship based on trust and shared intentions, while also needing to have practical conversations about expenses, treatment and the costs involved.
Talking about money openly doesn't make a surrogacy arrangement less personal. In many ways, it can help make the relationship clearer and more comfortable for everyone involved.
Surrogacy isn't a commercial arrangement in the UK
Surrogacy is legal in the UK*, but the UK doesn't operate a commercial surrogacy system.
A surrogate cannot be paid a fee for carrying a baby. Instead, reasonable expenses associated with the pregnancy and surrogacy can be covered.
The Government's guidance gives examples of expenses that may arise, including travel and accommodation, additional childcare, loss of earnings, maternity clothing and other costs connected with pregnancy and treatment.
There isn't a single amount that automatically counts as "reasonable". What is appropriate depends on the circumstances of the individual arrangement
Visit the government website for the latest information on Surrogacy laws in the UK*.
So what should you talk about?
Money is just one part of a much wider conversation. As you get to know each other, you might want to discuss:
- What expenses might arise during the surrogacy journey?
- How will those expenses be recorded and reimbursed?
- When might payments be needed?
- What happens if circumstances change during the pregnancy?
- What costs might the Intended Parents need to budget for beyond the Surrogate's expenses?
- Are there fertility treatment, legal or professional costs to consider?
- What would happen if the journey takes longer than expected?
These aren't necessarily conversations you can answer completely at the start. The important thing is being willing to have them.
Government guidance recommends discussing and planning expenses in advance, including how and when payments will be made. It also recommends keeping records of expenses and reimbursements.
Money shouldn't be the only conversation
The surrogacy journey is ultimately about people. There are other conversations that are just as important such as:
- How you communicate
- What you expect from each other
- How you'll approach appointments and medical decisions
- What you'd like the birth to look like
- What kind of relationship you hope to have afterwards.
It's okay to ask difficult questions
Some people may worry that talking about money will feel awkward or transactional. But avoiding the subject doesn't necessarily make it easier. Being able to ask questions, explain what you're comfortable with and understand someone else's expectations can actually help build trust.
It’s important to remember that you don't have to agree on every detail immediately. But you do need to be able to talk about the things that matter. And if a conversation raises questions or concerns, that's useful information too.
Where Rainbow fits in
Rainbow can help potential Intended Parents and Surrogates make that first connection. It gives people the opportunity to start conversations, get to know each other and explore whether they feel comfortable taking things further. What happens after that is up to the people involved.
Rainbow doesn't set the terms of a surrogacy arrangement, provide legal advice or decide what is right for anyone. As a relationship develops, the people involved can seek appropriate professional advice and work through the practical and legal questions together.
*The government website states ‘This guidance document applies to England and Wales only. The legislation relating to surrogacy is UK-wide but there are different approaches to the court systems in Scotland and Northern Ireland.’
Article correct as of September 2026.
